In my November column, I indicated that Jean Donaldson’s book, The Culture Clash, played a major role in refuting the dominance myth. However, her most astute observation is in the title, The Culture Clash. If we don’t take the time to understand and learn to accept our differences, we cannot develop the best possible relationship with our dog. No matter how much we want them to be furry four-footed humans, they are their own distinct species with their own needs, behaviors, and means of communication.
Minimally, culture as it relates to a species is “All group-typical behavior patterns, shared by members of animal communities, that are to some degree reliant on socially learned and transmitted information". – Google AI
Just as people do, dogs have social norms for identifying behavior as acceptable or rude. Unfortunately, over the years, people have been taught that dogs must accept our rude behavior, and that is where our species most often clash.
In the Spring of 2023, the San Diego Humane Society released a one-minute video titled "How Would YOU Like It?" which illustrates some of these cultural conflicts noted below. Sometimes, these aren't cultural conflicts—people dislike them too; we just aren't taught that dogs also find such behaviors rude. To prevent a dog from being abused in this video, a woman plays the dog's part, while a man plays the rude human. FMI - https://forcefreepets.com/shared-video-howwouldyoulikeit/
Bothered while eating – Unfortunately, years ago, people were taught to play with the dog's food while they were eating, and even to take it away. This was terrible advice and is an excellent way to provoke a bite. Taking their feed away or playing with it while they eat is only likely to create resource guarding. Please, allow your dog to eat in peace.
Startled you while sleeping – Dogs don’t like being startled out of a sound sleep anymore than the normal human. While it may seem like a fun prank, it is in fact bullying, and when you do it to a dog, you may get bitten. It was NOT the dog's fault. If your dog is sleeping, stand at a respectable distance, quietly say their name, and let them wake gently.
Teased while playing with a toy – There is no good reason to tease a dog or a child playing with a toy, especially by taking it away and taunting them. This type of behavior is unkind and unnecessary.
Yanked you around while you were sniffing something – One of a dog's greatest joys in life is an ambling walk to sniff and explore. No one likes being yanked around by someone else, but especially when it denies him one of his greatest joys in life. Follow your dog's lead and take the time to enjoy the surroundings. It is good for both of you.
Used you as a pillow – Sadly, I remember trying this a couple of times as a kid. Most dogs will get up and walk away. Your dog is not a pillow and must never be used as one.
Greeted you by sticking their hand in your face – The number of people who will greet a dog by sticking their hand up to a dog's nose is unbelievable. With a dog's vastly superior sense of smell, they can smell you from across the room. The polite way to greet a dog, especially when you do not know him, is to allow him to approach, and if the dog chooses not to interact, that is his right.
Greeted you by grabbing you, picking you up, and hugging you – This is one step beyond sticking your hand in the dog's face and is even ruder. There is ample data to suggest that most dogs abhor being hugged or kissed, which is why you should not hug or kiss your dog. Even if your dog tolerates this behavior from you, it is unlikely to do so from someone else. If a child sees you hugging your dog and then tries to hug the dog, the child could get bitten. Don’t put your dog in that situation.
The video ends by making the statement, “How would you like it if someone didn’t respect your choice…You Wouldn’t Like it At All!”
I believe that adults and children must understand these concepts before they ever add a dog to their family. That is why I encourage shelters, rescues, and breeders to teach everyone these simple principles before anyone leaves with a dog. It can all be done with this amazing 1-minute video available on YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G775ppK3VEM
You can find additional resources to help you better understand your dog on my blog at Resources on Canine Body Language & Communication – https://forcefreepets.com/resources-on-canine-body-language-communication/
Don Hanson lives in Bangor, Maine, where he is the co-owner of the Green Acres Kennel Shop ( greenacreskennel.com ) and the founder of ForceFreePets.com, an online educational resource for people with dogs and cats. He is a Professional Canine Behavior Consultant (PCBC-A) accredited by the Pet Professional Accreditation Board (PPAB) and a Bach Foundation Registered Animal Practitioner (BFRAP). A Pet Professional Guild (PPG) member, Don serves on the Board of Directors, Steering Committee, and chairs the Advocacy Task Force and Shock-Free Coalition. The opinions in this article are those of Don Hanson. ©2026, Donald J. Hanson, All Rights Reserved