Having Reasonable Expectations While Being Patient and Kind
Countless times, I have heard:
• “I wish he were more like my old dog,”
• “The breeder said this breed is always good with children,“
• “She’s always getting into things,”
• “The shelter said he wouldn’t run off,” or
• “She’s certainly no Lassie.”
The people who say these things are not happy, and it’s likely their dogs are unhappy as well.
The “Lassie Myth” is a significant reason for their disappointment. When people compare their dog to a mythical ideal, they are asking to be disappointed. The books, movies, and TV shows featuring Lassie were all heart-wrenching but fictional stories.
How would you like to be compared to <insert legendary hero> throughout your life? Our desire that our dog should be the perfect Lassie or exactly like our last dog, is not a reasonable expectation.
I’ve been there. Before I became a pet care professional, my wife and I brought a Cairn Terrier puppy named Gus into our family. We loved him dearly despite his many quirky medical and behavioral issues. Gus was a significant reason we became pet care professionals. When we did, my ego was solely responsible for now expecting Gus to be something he was not, perfectly obedient with little or no undesirable behaviors.
New to the profession, I wanted to use Gus to “show off” my skills. As a result, we trained constantly. One day in class, we were practicing a recall. Gus started moving towards me the instant I said “Come,” but he was moving as slowly as possible. At the end of the class, the instructor took me aside and was blunt: “You are both miserable. Neither you nor Gus are having fun, so please, rather than training, go do something that’s fun for both of you.” That instructor, my friend Kate, saved the Gus/Don relationship. I had allowed training to take precedence over simple, joyful interactions with my furry companion. In other words, I was not much of a friend to Gus. Kate, thank you for kicking me out of class and helping me to understand that training ALWAYS needs to be fun for the dog and the person.
I have learned a great deal since then and have taken a very different approach with my dogs, ensuring that our relationship and having fun take precedence over training. I share that with my students, teaching them that a dog is a totally different species with their own physical, mental, and emotional needs, as well as corresponding normal and abnormal behaviors, and an entirely different way of expressing emotions and communicating. Without that knowledge, they cannot have realistic expectations, nor can they have a relationship with a dog that is as joyful to the dog as it is to them. In other words, what many call “Dog Obedience” classes would be better named “Learning to Live Joyfully with a Different Species” classes.
Unfortunately, far too many pet care professionals (trainers, veterinarians, breeders, shelter workers, authors, and more) still spend far too much time talking about teaching blind obedience and giving people unrealistic expectations for their dogs. When you want to sell a puppy or adopt a dog into a new home, it is often easier to make it look better than it is by glossing over any potential problems or embellishing positives. Statements like: “This breed is always good with kids,” “Yes, he’s completely housetrained and knows how to sit,” “Your dog will learn everything it needs to know in seven weeks,” might make it easier to place a pet or to sell a service, but at what price to the dog?
Petcare professionals MUST ALWAYS be honest and transparent about the pets they are trying to entice you to purchase or adopt. We have a responsibility to explain that if you want a pet, you MUST educate yourself about the pet's needs and then be committed to meeting them. It’s not as simple as buying the dog, a collar, a leash, some toys, and food. Having a pet as a family member requires an investment in time, no different than adding another human to your life. If you don’t have the time and energy to commit to that, don’t get a pet.
Lastly, being patient and kind to a pet is non-negotiable. With knowledge, patience, and kindness comes acceptance and a furry companion you will cherish forever. You see, the key to accepting our pets is no different than accepting one another.
Original version published in Green Acres Kennel Shop Paw Prints, January 2005.
Don Hanson lives in Bangor, Maine, where he is the co-owner of the Green Acres Kennel Shop (greenacreskennel.com) and the founder of ForceFreePets.com, an online educational resource for people with dogs and cats. He is a Professional Canine Behavior Consultant (PCBC-A) accredited by the Pet Professional Accreditation Board (PPAB)and a Bach Foundation Registered Animal Practitioner (BFRAP). Don is a member of thePet Professional Guild (PPG), where he serves on the Board of Directors and Steering Committee and chairs the Advocacy Committee. He is also a founding director of Pet Advocacy International (PIAI). In addition, Don produces and co-hosts The Woof Meow Showpodcast,available at http://bit.ly/WfMwPodcasts/,the Apple Podcast app, and Don's blog: www.words-woofs-meows.com.The opinions in this post are those of Don Hanson.